Here is a site that claims to well-document the relationship between a man’s little best friend with his shoe size. Yes, folks, according to the web site, size does matter. It impressively details out the different shoe size units to consider, with, among others, a fantastical statement that it may not be shoe size, but raw IQ and the number of published research papers that are the best predictors of a large member. Wait, what? It even warns you that you should get medical treatment ASAP if your pee-pee gets excited for over four hours when reading the site’s information. Maybe I should just pretend that warning was written in a foreign language that I have no absolute chance of understanding.

Although I kind of wonder if measuring it the other way around would work, I’d take this site lightly if I were you, because really, would you ever take an internationalization architect who plays air guitar seriously? Besides, it’s not the size of the wave that matters, it’s the motion of the ocean.